Of Rats and Jen (Inactive)

Tales of a Perpetual
Work In Progress

WTF Wednesday – Tell Me To My Face

Filed under: Knitting Groups — folkcat at 11:38 am on Wednesday, October 4, 2006

How would you like it if you found out you’d been behaving in a way that annoyed people for months on end, but no one ever had the courtesy or courage to tell you to your face?

I can’t speak for everyone, but I felt pretty hurt and insulted.

Further, the only way I ever found out was through an e-mail to the entire group that didn’t name names, but which carefully pointed out that certain things had been going on that bothered people and were even keeping some new people from sticking around, and which re-affirmed the policies and conditions of the group to assure that everyone knew what was appropriate behavior.

They may have thought they were being kinder by not being directly confrontational. But I’m not blind, and I’m not stupid. I know what goes on at the group in question, and I know exactly who they were talking about – me. No one else is ever as outgoing and energetic at the meetings as I am.

In addition, some of the behaviors that were listed as proscribed were, in fact, only engaged in after receiving specific permission from the group’s leaders. Which just hurt all the more, since blame was now being passed out for actions that were not done on a whim. In fact, one of the behaviors called out was something that I resisted doing because I didn’t feel it would be acceptable, and one of the group leaders encouraged me to do it anyway.

So, I’m feeling pretty pissed about this particular group right now. It’s the one I’ve been going to for the longest time, and they’re all good people. But obviously, the group leaders, nice as they are, haven’t been enforcing the policies and conditions of the group as required by the venue.

Since I’ve now added a twice-a-month spinning group into my schedule, something on the calendar has to budge. I’ll be dropping this monthly knitting group for the foreseeable future.

And for future reference, please – if you have any issues with me, just tell me. I would rather know sooner than later, and I hate being made to feel a fool by finding out so long after the fact.

Edited later to add: I have had a very kind and gentle response to this issue from one of the appointed leaders of the group in question. My concerns are somewhat eased, as are my feelings. It seems that the bad handling of this is more on the part of the venue hosting the meetings than anyone else.

I’ll still not be attending this group for a while. It is a fact that my schedule just had two to three more meetings a month added to it, and I think I need to make a point of being home at least a couple of nights a week!

1 Comment


Comment by Elspeth

October 5, 2006 @ 4:07 pm

I’m sorry this happened and you felt bad about not being told directly if there was an issue. I’m glad to hear there has been some work towards making you feel better. It’s hard being part of a group especially when the leaders can be indecisive. (I have a group like that where the “queen bee” doesn’t want to be in control yet she takes control whenever she feels like it.) I hope it gets better, and I’m glad you have other outlets!

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